Pricing — straightforward
Two plans. Pick a stomach.
Marv has overhead — mainly his back. Free tier covers most weeknight hotel-breakfast emergencies. Hardcore covers the rest.
Free
The Patron
$0
- ✓2 buffet battle plans per day
- ✓Full 3-plate strategy from Marv
- ✓Procedurally-generated heraldic crest
- ✓Downloadable printable PNG card
- ✓Public share link
One-time
Hardcore Mode
The Carving Duke
$1.99
- ✓Cruise-ship buffet specialized plans
- ✓Wedding buffet (with speech-time arbitrage)
- ✓AYCE sushi pieces-per-dollar calculus
- ✓Unlimited daily plans
- ✓Marv's Field Notes archive (history + $ tally)
- ✓Marv's audio read-back in his actual voice
Marv's Guarantee
“If my plan doesn't extract at least three times what I cost you, write me. Don't actually write me. I don't check the box. But you can.”
A Patron Writes
“Marv told me to ignore the edamame. I extracted $87 of nigiri at a $34 lunch. He saved my marriage. Probably.”
— Carnival Conquest, Deck 9, last May
Frequently Asked
Is this a subscription?
No. One-time $1.99. Marv hates recurring billing.
Why so cheap?
Marv worked a buffet in 1981 where shrimp was $2.99 a pound. He has perspective.
What if I'm not at a buffet that's on the list?
Just paste any menu. Marv's heuristics generalize. The named modes (cruise, wedding, sushi) just give him deeper context.
Does Marv really exist?
That's a strange question.